Multiple Identities — Who Am I?
“We all have multiple identities — race, gender, age, sexual orientation, occupation — the list goes on and on. However, psychology research has traditionally focused on the effects stemming from one identity (i.e., race OR gender), rather than trying to measure how belonging to multiple groups may actually shift our behavior or even perhaps change our results.” (Considering your multiple identities (apa.org))
Though our unusual identity is important to us, we have the capacity to choose to highlight or develop some qualities that fit with the group/s we desire to be part of. As individuals, we feel a powerful desire for human connection and often wish not only to belong but to be wholeheartedly accepted for who we are. Most people hide their identity due to the fear of being vulnerable when they express their culture and/or identity. People are often afraid to be different, unique, or to express their culture in an environment that is different from their “normal”. This forced individuals to adapt to the environment, show a different part of ourselves and develop new skills to enable us to cope. (Why Identity Matters — Critical Media Project)
Now let me tell you a little story about my upbringing before I came to Australia. Growing up in Ghana (West Africa), you cannot look directly into the eyes of somebody older than you or an authority (whether it be your mum, dad, uncles, or aunties). This was known as a sign of respect for the elderly. A child or an individual of a low-rank opinion or inputs are not sought in decision making even if the elderly or person of a higher ranking is incorrect. Non-verbal communication is used by Ghanaian children to illustrate their understanding. A nod of the head and an utterance of “eh heh” are used to communicate with the elderly. Children do not dare lift their head up or voice their opinion or look into the eyes of the disciplinarian will be discipline. Within the Ghanaian culture, it is believed, that all toddlers, children and young adult should have certain values which are important. These values are reliability, obedience, responsibility, respect, honesty, humility, discipline, and the fear of God to be considered a good child. Not following these values could lead to some serious ass-whooping/smacking, (and I’ve certainly had my share of that) as that is seen as being disrespectful. This punishment was then seen by some of my friends and myself as an expression of love and a sign of care by our parents but, moving from Ghana to Australia made me realized it affected my confidence truly and had a negative impact on my self-esteem and confidence.
Living in Australia made me realize, having eye contact with someone while talking was a sign of paying attention, listening, being assertive, and confident. Now you can only imagine how my first year in high school must have felt like. I had to basically force myself to act in different ways to feel accepted among the group and not be singled out. I had to develop a sense of confidence to voice out when I disliked certain behaviors and to encourage myself to say “I can do this or “I can’t do this” to show that, though I am a shy person by nature, I can still be confident in order to be accepted by my peers.
Now, understanding my identity/identities was challenging because I saw everything I did on a daily basis as a norm and didn’t think of myself as having different identities. To map this, I had to take time to write out the different characters I displayed when interacting with family, close friends, and at work. I used the mind meister application (inspired by Carl Huby), I was able to map out each identity as shown below.
Looking at these identities I realized my office identity is somewhat my old self (a teenage boy in Ghana), the shy, insecure, trying to please everyone just to be accepted. Then you go over to the new me (close friends — the new identity in Australia), where I feel comfortable to joke with friends, make my voice heard, and being there for them when needed.
Now, suddenly I’m thinking to myself, why do I act this way? Is it because of race or the Aussie culture I’ve come to adapt or the anger that has grown with me (and by anger I mean all those years of not being able to express myself as a teenage boy) to the point that I refuse not to be heard? As much as I enjoy the new me, it scares me sometimes to always remind myself to not be opinionated, remembering my root, learning to listen, and say nothing even when I’m wrong, and that’s when my identity at home comes to play. Having two kids of my own has played a big role in my life (i.e. being there to listen to their needs and making sure their opinions matter as well).
I could go on and on with these identities but let’s jump into how social media somehow changed my identity. Growing up, social media was never a thing to connect with someone/a friend. If I needed to talk to a friend, I would just walk to their house or call them (whether it be landline or mobile). The first social media platforms I used to connect with friends were Bebo and MSN (Windows Live Messenger). I remember being so hooked on Bebo for the fact that you can customize your profile to reflect your personality and interests (good memories), before eventually Facebook took over.
As I grew up, I became more addicted to Facebook as it was used by the majority of people I knew, and eventually signed up to more and more social media app (such as vine, skype, viber… etc.). But gradually, I found myself spending less time on these apps but sticking to just a few as seen below.
Facebook and WhatsApp are mainly used to communicate with friends, family overseas and to share pictures. My Facebook is set private to only share pictures or comments with just friends and families and closing out outsiders. Although Instagram and Snapchat are also set on private, my communication through these apps is similar to my “close friends” identity (whether to send memes or share pictures). I am more jovial and relaxed when using these social media platforms, while Facebook and WhatsApp turn to be my “Office” identity simply because I tend to be a bit more careful on what I post as my extended family, elderly and young relatives use these platforms. I ensure I do not offend anyone, whilst being watchful of what I like or comment on.
As I reflect on my experience, I ask myself, are these really my identities? Or something I have created just to fit into society’s way of living? One thing I have learnt on this path is, fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be in order to be accepted. Belonging on the other hand doesn’t require me to change who I am, but rather requires me to freely express myself. The journey continues …
